Zhan shi

This is actually quite an old piece of writing, but I finally feel brave enough to post the thing.
I am proud of this piece even if it is a little bloody

Zhan Shi

I fight. I fight a losing battle, the forces of the enemy are all around, I can see some of our men but they are a long way from me surrounded by the figures of the enemy. I watch for a moment as they are struck down by the enemy, pinned by shields and stabbed with swords. Their deaths do not touch me, I do not fight for them, I fight for my own reasons. My spear whirls my hands and enemies fall before me. The world is becoming grey, and I know the moment I have been waiting for, fighting for all day is approaching. I hurl myself towards the enemy to reach that point, the point which I truly fight for. Three of the enemy fall beneath the spear, one lies gurgling in his own blood at my feet, and I stamp the life out of him as I search for new opponents to launch myself at. The world continues slowly shading to grey, grey mud, grey skies, grey men killing other grey men. Even the sashes that denote our warriors and those of the enemies no longer have colour to me. Ours are darker. The only colour in the entire world is the red of my own blood flowing from my numerous wounds. The point I have sought draws nearer, and I am desperate for it. I stalk forward and kill an archer. His hastily released arrow hits me but I do not feel it. The moment I have fought for approaches I can feel it in all of my body.

Two more of the enemy rush towards me, one is dropped easily, my spear point through his throat dumping him backwards into the mud. The second hacks at my shoulder, I feel the blade but only as an impact. I turn and in the grey world I paint the sky glorious red with his blood. I do not care about the wound as he falls for the moment has finally come. The moment I have fought for all day has finally arrived.

With one hand on my spear I fall to my knees in the grey mud, causing splatters that spin end over end slowly in the air, before crashing down and rejoining the earth. One hand supports me, but is sinking into the grey mud, my blood slowly giving it colour. I cannot raise my head, my other hand grips my spear, but I could no more raise it to defend myself than I could raise my eyes.

The Moment comes.

She is suddenly there before me. I cannot see her face. I have never seen her face, if I have the strength to raise my head to look she does not come, but I can see her kneeling in the grey mud before me. Her legs are tucked under her; her hands support her in the mud. The mud does not touch the green of her dress, nor her hands. I cannot see her face, but her red hair falls past my eyes and face. It is soft on my cheek where she leans forward to whisper to me.

"You cannot fall here my love, I am still waiting for you, and you must find me"

Then with such gentleness she kisses my forehead. Her warm soft lips meet the flesh of my head and it is like being immersed in cool fire. The moment I have fought for all day has arrived. That one kiss the whole reason I fought, killed, and drove myself at the enemy over and over.

She is gone, replaced by the sight of five enemy warriors charging towards me. They think I am exhausted, they think I have driven myself to the end. They do not realise what has actually happened. I know that to see my Lady once more I must drive myself to the edge again. They charge at what they think is an exhausted enemy. They seek quite understandably to end the toll I am taking on their men; they seek to end my threat. Infused with the fire of my Lady they do not stand a chance.

As they run towards me I stand, and it seems as if they are running slowly but in truth they are not. Their shields are forwards and their swords inscribe glittering arcs as they come towards me. The first dies with my spear through his throat. The second I kick in the chest so hard he spins backwards his breastplate crushed, to lie gasping in the mud. He does not gasp for long however as the arc of my spear slashes across his throat and sails through the thighs of the third man. He is dumped him screaming into the mud and I ignore him for he will play no further part in the battle. The Fourth man is striking at me aiming for my neck with his sword, but the shaft of the spear is already moving to parry it without any conscious thought from me. My arms have fought this fight before, thousands of times in fact, in the pursuit of my Lady. They parry his sword, and bring the butt of the spear into his face, as I use the head of the spear to disembowel the fifth man, knocking his shield away as I do so. The Fourth man lies at my feet but he does not live long as I finish him with the spear. Three are dead, two are screaming their lives away and I turn to seek more enemies to hurl myself at. I hope that I can see my Lady once more that day.

I do. In one day I feel her touch twice, but as I rouse from her second visit the enemy is streaming away from the battlefield, streaming away from me. I scream at them, but my exhausted body cannot chase them down and I cannot force it to be fast enough to catch them. As I approach they are inspired to terror and they run all the faster. They deny me the chance to see my Lady for a third time that day and I hate them for it. I despise them for it. Almost as much as I despise the Generals who cluster round me in their silks and armour. They tell me of the riches they will rain down upon me, the ranks they will bestow upon me but they offer me nothing I want. They cannot give me my Lady, and they cannot give me more enemies this day to seek her. I do not listen to their droning vacuous platitudes, their endless prattling about my heroics of the day. I pay little attention to the healer they send to draw the arrow from my side and bind up my wounds. I think only of the two kisses I have earned that day, and how I might seek more.

The world slowly regains its colour. The blue of the sky and the green of the hills are like a death sentence to me. The green sashes of the generals and the yellow of the fleeing enemy make me wish to fall down and weep. I will not see my Lady again this day, the moment has passed. I must wait until the next battle.

I will. In the meantime I will search for her, but if I cannot find her, I will seek her in battle.